Scars

My scars or hurtys as my children call them. I have meny on my body and I now have two more. One for the pacemaker and one for the removal of the Reveal device.

These scars are just part of me now. At the moment they are reddy pink colour and they will fade in time. Well that is until I have to have a new pacemaker put in in about 10 years time. Then its more scars but this is the life I have chosen and it is much better than collapsing all the time.

Then there are the other type of scars. Then mental ones, we all have then. I'm lucky I have only a few of them but the biggest one and one that I'll never really get over is the death of my father. I still miss him and I think I always will. But I know we will be together again one day.

He had a massive heart attach that he did not recover from in 2006. At the time I was living with my then boyfriend, now husband, in a rented flat. We had a call very late at night from my sister to say that the pararmedics were at home, I still call my mum's house home and I think I always will, and working on dad as he had had a heart attach.

After the phone call there was a rush to the hospital. Only thing was we didn't have much petrol in the car and had to call a friend to meet us at the petrol station.

Just as we got there I recieved a phone call that was to change my life. MY DADDY HAD DIED. It was like my heart had just been taken from me. Then the tears came, and are staring now as I write this, they did not stop.

When my friend meet us he came and sat with me while my hubby filled the car. He have me the biggest hug and I told him that my dad had died. He knew what I was going through as he had also lost his dad at a young age, my dad was only 53.

We finally got to the hospital and were taken into a room where my fathers body had been taken. With my mum, two brothers and my two sisters. I said my good bye through a vail of tears. Mum took off his wedding ring and we left.

Somehow we got back to my mum and sat in silance until it was light.

There were meny tears shead and I still well up every now and then. This time of year is just one of those times when I like to remember him.

I'm not certain why I have writen this blog I think I just needed to write it all down and get one of my stories out there.