Moods

I am a monster at the moment. I feel very angry for no reason then I can be nice as pie, I'm feeling tearfull and all I want to do is curl up and sleep. It seems like I'm on a rollacoster of emotions that I seem to have no control over.

The children are just making it worse. They are not listening to me when I ask them to do something and I have to keep asking them. In the end I'm shouting at them just so they pick up a toy and put it away. This is so not like me. My husband says I have the patience of a saint when it comes to our children and life. I have never let things get to me, even when I was having all my health issues my doctor could not believe how I was coping and how I could be happy and smiling.

I can't put a finger on what is wrong, I'm not ill. It's not PMT as I have not had any of them since having my coil put in three years ago. So what is it?

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I just want to screem but I can't. Even having a nice bubble bath is not working, when normaly it is just the job.

I have had some very bad thoughts too... But I can't say what they are, I haven't even told my hubby about them. I know I should but he is soooo stressed about getting his book to the publishers on time, I can't let this silly mood problem of mine worry him. I know that he would worry.

Help x

Husband Under Stress

With less that two weeks before my hubby has to get his book to the publisher and the stress is at a high point.

He is currently drawing a picture for the book as he could not find one that was suitable. I have to say that he is a very good illustrator. Pic below.

We have spent quite a long time now sorting out photos for this book. Some are going to cost us quite a bit of money to use but the book needs them so needs must and all that.

The photos that we could take ourselves have all been done and I will get a few credits in this book, yay me. But others we have to pay for. I think after this book is done I will join one of these sites and put my photos up and hopefully get some money for my efforts.

Anyway back to a stressed hubby. I have notested that he has a very short fuse at the moment and I'm just trying to keep the children from getting in his way as they play. The children love playing round the house making as much noise as they can, even this gets on my nerves sometimes and with the book so near to being finished.
This is not a good time for them to be running round the house screeming.

I know when he tells them off for this he doesn't mean it but they don't seem to realise this. But they do love him and he will always read them bedtime stories every night.
And our daughter will only be bathed by him. She refusses to be bathed by me at the moment :( not sure why but she won't.

We just have two more weeks and it will be all done. Well the first draft will be. He will be sent a proof of the book to go through and make any changes to it. So it will be stress again.

His work is not helping his mood much. He hates his job and only sticks with it so we can pay the bills. I think he is hoping that he will get made redundent then he can look for new work near home instead of 45mins away by car. It would be quicker but having to travel in the rush hour it takes longer.

I do try to help as much as I can but there is only so much I can do for him. I wish I could do more.

Baking

Ooh I love a bit of baking.

I'm not that good at it but I'll give it a go, the family love to eat the results even if they don't come out properly. They do say practise makes perfect and I have been doing lots of practise.

I have just been given an very nice receipy for chocolate chip muffins. The only part that takes time is the chopping up of the chocolate and trying not to sneek a quick square in my mouth. The mixture make 12 muffins. Now I have this reciepy I can use it for any cake sales that the school do. I will just have to double the reciepy for that.

I am going to start making bread again so am now on the look out for a faccatua reciepy. The children love it with rosemarry when we go out to our local Italian. I would like to be able to make it at home.

I have so meny ideas for things to bake but never get round to doing it. I blame all the cooking programs I watch. I love The Great British Bake Off but I'm not good enough to go and take part. I just like watching it on the telly box. And who thinks that nice Paul Hollywood is a bit of alright? ;)

I am also watching Great British Menu and will be watching Paul Hollywood's new program on bread when in starts soon. More inspration to bake. I think I am going to need a new electric whisk though as I broke my old one while making the muffins today :( more things that I need to buy.

The ironing mounting

There is one job I hate in my house and that is the ironing.

I hate it soo much I have a mountin waiting to be done. See pic below

It is one of those jobs that I as soon as you do it you start to build it up all over again. I will keep putting it off long enough that the children start to run out of ironed clothes, bad mum. It has got to that point again were it must be done. I don't iron underwear and PJs but everthing else needs to be done.

I don't mind doing the washing as all you do is put it in the machine and let it do all the work. I don't even mind hanging it out but when it comes to the ironing I will put it off as long as possible. I will clean the toilet before I will do the ironing.

Any one else with me or is it just me?

Why is having a Pacemaker expenceive?

I have found out that now I am one of many people who have a pacemaker, things have got expensive. Living in the UK my visits to the hospital are free, thanks to the wonderful thing that the NHS is (God only knows how much I would have had to pay if I lived in the US). So, thinking I could now start learning to drive again, I thought I would check how much insurance would cost me.

Well, after putting our details into one of those price comparison sites with me as a named driver my husband's insurance would jump from around £250 to a whopping £800+ and that is if I have passed. If I went on as a provisional driver it was well over £1700! If I didn't mention the pacemaker it dropped to around a nice £550.

However, I'm not sure that a driving instructor's insurance would cover me anyway.

Also, if I go on holiday abroad I need insurance for that too but again it goes through the roof for a person with a pacemaker and I don't see why. I have my pacemaker to stop me collapsing. I was more of a risk before having the PM than I am now.

I also have to tell any organisation, who I belong to, that needs public liability insurance for events as this will make their insurance go up and all to cover me! But I am probably the only one in a group that will not have any problems as my heart rate is kept at a nice 60bpm.

Then there is life insurance. I am lucky that I already have some but if I didn't that would have gone up too.

Migraine Again

Well I woke up on Sunday with a Migraine, it is the first one that I have had in three months.

I should be used to them by now, I've had them since I was 10. The first one I ever had was horrid it felt like I was being hit by a sledgehammer every second or so and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball or hit my head against a brick wall to try and stop the pain. I am very lucky as my mother also has migraines she knew what was going on, with out her I don't think I would have coped.

I have Migraine with Aura, please click the link to find out more, I get to see many patterns of light flicker across my vision. For this condition I was put under the care of a neurologist at The Royal Free Hospital in London.
In my time, I have been on many medications including anti convulsants and anti depressant  medication, here is a list of  medications, I have been on most of them. With some of the medications I got fat, it was a side effect. I also had to inject myself with one of the triptan medications I had. My boyfriend (now hubby) came home one day after I had taken it and he said I looked like a deranged rabbit cought in head lights. It did make me quite hyper, well more hyper than normal. I was bouncing off the walls and even had a chat to the cat we were looking after about the rain and he was talking back to me! (I am not mad)

I am currently on Maxalt which has helped a bit, you put it on your tonuge and it melts which helps if you get sickness as there are not pills in your stomach for you to vomit up. I think that I am going to have to change medication again soon, nothing seems to work for very long on me.

I also have the problem of having Salicylate Sensitivity and an allergic reaction to NSAIDs and I can't take these sets of drugs as they trigger migraines and I come up in a rash that looks like a burn!

Today I have had to take Tramadol and this seems to have cleared it up no end, as you can tell by me writing this blog. I am hoping that I will only get these a couple of times a year at most now. In the past I could have a migraine for 5 out of the 7 days in a week! When I was pregnant with my daughter I stopped getting them. Then when I got Vasovagal Syncope I didn't really get the migraines at all just very bad headaches and only then once in a blue moon.

One thing I have found is that my pacemaker seems to work overtime while I have a migraine and I wonder why? I think I shall do more research into the matter and I will get back to you with what I find.

My lovely Bath

Oh how much I love a bath.

A shower is all well and good if you're in a rush and need to get clean quickly, and I know that a shower is better for the enviroment, but to have a bath with my fave Molton Brown bubble bath is heaven, I could lie there all day if only the children would let me. If they do I will let them in the bath after I am done. So really there are three of us getting clean in one bath when I know for a fact that I would use more water if we all had a shower.

How do I know this I hear you asking? Well, one day we tested it by putting the plug in while we all took a shower and when I finished washing my daughter and myself the bath was full. So in our house the bath fills up on two people, well one person and a small child.

When we became the owners of our house we had to replace the bathroom as it was old and very, very broken with one of the pipes leaking. So I went shopping for a nice pea shaped bath with taps, sink and toilet included, for only £500. It was a bargain. The pea shaped bath was ideal as I could still lay out even if the children had joined me, which happens quite a lot in this house.

But back to the bath, the thought of it now is just so nice I'm almost tempted to go and put one on.
The warm water just eases those tired muscles and the bath gives me time out from the monsters.

The only thing I have to be careful with is my pacemaker. If the water is too hot when I get out my pacemaker will start pacing me as soon as my heart rate drops (when you get out of the bath this will happen as the blood vessels all open up due to the heat and take the much needed blood from the brain and vital organs). This is very bad for me as blood will pool in my legs and, if I didn't have the pacemaker, my heart would stop and I would collapse. But now with my lovely pacemaker none of this happens. So I can have the bath as hot a I like and I don't need to worry.